i just poured a bucket full of beautiful..

last night something magic happened. i can't explain it, and even if i tried to it wouldn't make sense, but i am now convinced that i am one of the most bizarre humans alive. here's what happened: i lied down on my couch and turned 'explosions in the sky' on in my headphones.. i have never been more captivated and slayed by any other music, ever, then i was in this moment. so as i lay there, the music blaring in my ears, i closed my eyes and i began to see the music dance in my mind. all of this is going to sound crazy, though i don't mind. i saw all kinds of things. i saw a dark black bird, it's wings spread wide and it was flying right for me. i tried opening my eyes to make it go away, but it wouldn't and so i frantically got out a notebook and a marker and started to draw. my eyes still closed, i drew what i saw. and it kept on coming. i drew the images the music made me see and i wrote the words that the music made me feel and when i opened my eyes to see what i had done, i was blown away. not only was it exactly like i saw it in my mind, but it was actually decipherable. there were some moments where my pen would move with the beats of the music i was hearing and when i opened to see what i had drawn it was a sun bursting with rays of light, almost as loud as the crashing of the cymbals in the song i had been listening to. some of these things make no sense. but some of these things i didn't even know i needed to say. and also, i was under the influence of a certain substance. so this is what came out...

writing #1:
i saw great visions i saw that i was flying and i haven't moved but i do this dance perfect and with grace and with each word my music flows from the leaks and cracks in my broken skin now the light inside can't help but win like the light leaks in the ocean cutting through such treacherous darkness monsters lurk just on the edge of it so you can only see the shadow of what your sins look like long skinny fingers reach and run trying to say just the right thing and with a bang they take back that wrong letter the things you shouldn't say though your mind is running with them and with a slow fade they'll stop in silence but i've never seen something so beautiful and i never thought that part of my heart could feel something and we're all in awe and the whole world is captivated i've never seen anything so beautiful and so it rises and rises each time seeing the brightest note in all the world its truth like the songs rolling off your tongue and when the light shines through those windows to that small little capsule we're sitting in under the sea all is illuminated even in the darkest of places

writing #2:
like buckets of paint all stacked up by the tree down the hillside and up the mountain be careful where you step the gold road is the safest you'll see and when you're at the top its god you'll see sitting big under the cross now sit inside for a while and look from such high places look what i have set here for you to see and open wide your eyes now paint what you see and paint it for me spill your color on something dead and watch how many people walk on what you made alive watch them walk right up to me and see and sit inside of me and smile at all they didn't see and now see more loudly than ever you sing to me and i know you love me but i don't i'm afraid you're hurting and i can't help you though its all i want to do and i know you're in there somewhere come out for me i won't push you to be what i know you can be though you can't see it now you have a lot of life in you and i know i'll be right there to see when you let it free

drawing #1:
all of these were drawn with my eyes completely closed. i drew what i saw in my head.. and when i opened them it sort of blew my mind, haha..




















"be free"
-when free you once again will see

drawing #2:






















"beat"
-beat beat beat, sing loud, .. (can't tell what i wrote)... fly free, beat- beat loud like the feathers as a bird flys, beat loud your wings, grow

drawing #3:




















"loved/rise"
-i saw things that night, things wild and free, loud and free screaming see see see- loved, one arm gone my wings will be, he loves me to make me beautiful, i broke my soul only to find my heart in one piece- rise, above the love your beauty sees its eyes as loud as the night, rise, no darkness beat the love (yes, i am high ha)

drawing #4:


















"life/sing love"
-i did incredible things i could not know how or why i did them, but i did. one two and pick my heart and last night i thought it would explode, i was alive and in pain not showing the huge life behind me, my bones are breaking, now i can feel, if this were a song you'd be red and brilliant, loud like the fire, it's a million degrees inside my heart, and i think it might explode, three four beat beat loud, now dance dance dance, step step, leap leap if you want to be free, i wanted you there to fly with me, so break down the door leave safety be, it's not as brave as you thought it would be, i'm moving slow and loud, nothing i see has gone, my eyes keep me, now you can't even see the darkness, it's not there anymore, so sing love, love it moves everything around it to remind them that they're alive and we move move, i just did incredible things, i didn't know how or why i did them, but i did.