cold hands, warm heart.

it's fa-reezing in here. fingers white and my toes are blue. cold hands, warm heart they say. cold heart, i'm a hands free human. a kid with no eyes. warm eyes. i eyes. goodbye my heart. overheated and oversized. hold my hands around my heart. barefoot truth all wrapped in threads. unsew my veins, the red runs free. warm hands, many hearts. one heart. it's mine it's mine, and it's growing. everythings tied together. with love.

i'll be your pocket, full of pictures. full of places we should be. warm and bright. fingers and toes. dip them lightly, the red runs free. two beats till morning, wake up next to you. one two, one two... one two. a chest that moves. a chest that speaks. a heart that beats. beat. beat it senseless and watch it leak. your heart, my heart. our heart. a pocket full of punches. a pocket full of love.

hang the gloves.

cold hands and warm hearts we have.

i have nothing to say.

wrote this a time ago...

i have nothing to say. i have nothing to say, and so i won't say it. i won't say that i'd like to soak all of the yellow out of the sun, or that if there were a way to trap a star and put it by my bedside i would. i won't say it. because i have nothing to say. nothing like the birds outside and nothing like the tapping of the raindrops on my windshield. i won't say that i don't have things all figured out and i won't say that i haven't found some peace, because i have nothing to say. nothing like your smile or the gold ring around your pupils, and nothing like the Life from your lips. i won't say it. i won't say that i'd like to fly with the birds even though i'm afraid of heights, or that i wish i had the courage to live the way i know i was made to. and i won't say that most days my heart feels like it is hanging outside of my chest and that my feet feel nothing of the ground beneath me. i have nothing to say. nothing of the happiness i am breathing; nothing of fear and nothing of being alive.

i have nothing to say. and so i won't say it.

love will save the world.

i should go to sleep. the morning always comes faster than i anticipate. but i have to write. what, i don't know. maybe nothing of any significance. maybe just some thoughts so i can actually get to sleep tonight. i don't know.

he'll be calling any moment now. its become a habit that i almost need in order to feel i've soaked up all i could from the day. but i think maybe i am changing. i don't know how to do this. i've been realizing a lot of things lately. the doozy is that i have never let myself believe that i can actually have the very best. and so i never have. i've almost allowed myself to go as far as not even being able to recognize what that is; what it means...to have the very best. it seems a foriegn concept still. my heart is a traitor. it has told me for far too long that to want anything greater for myself is asking too much; is asking for the absurd. it tells me that i can't go on. it convinces me to stay where i am and simply survive. well i say fuck that. i love my heart, but it can be a bitch sometimes. i've finally started telling it to only speak to me when it has something good to say. and i am finally listening. and the thing is, it has been saying these things all along. sometimes shouting, sometimes but quitely whispering.

and i see that when a thing is dead, it will speak death. when a thing is alive, it will speak life.

my heart is beating back to life. i hear it. and it hurts. but goodness does it feel wonderful. to see that i hold something the world needs is an amazing and terrifying thing, and frankly i've always thought this to be a rediculous thought. after all, i'm just a person. but there is something in me that must be unleashed. and it is banging louder than ever. i am beginning to love who i am. and loving this only expands the massive amounts of love i have inside of me to give other people. but this type of love scares me. it is far bigger than me. it can tear me apart and it can destroy lives... in the best way possible. and i want it to. and for once, i want this for myself. something has stirred me. someone has stirred me. and i suppose it is many things.

i don't know what i'm saying really. but my life is about to be destroyed. i can feel it. and i couldn't possibly be more thrilled about it. so come on love. come on life, hope, fear, joy, pain, darkness. i invite you in. for my heart is a place of wonder, and i've only just begun.

i was walking, and singing this song.

the candle is burning. the clock is blinking because of the fuse i blew this morning. a spider is on the wall. i hate spiders. the music is playing. a strum, a strum. a strum diddly umm. and i write this song...

you and me are two people
who like to sing songs
you and me are two people
who like to get along

i am tall, you are short
but you don't seem to mind
and you know i would like you
even if you were blind

you and me, you and me
we go together like a pair of peas
you and me, you and me
we go together like a pair of peas


there's a monster in my closet, so i open the door and step inside. you can't know the fear until you get to know it better. so we walked out hand in hand. i killed that spider, so you know. i'm getting older, and i think wiser. don't worry. i won't get too comfy. that happens and i never want to move; never want to get up. but the sun is rising and my eyes are shining. love has torn me apart. i love how this smile feels on my face.

you and me... we go together like a pair of peas, Life. oh pain, oh joy, oh light, oh dark, oh me, oh mess, oh love.. oh LIFE. i was walking, and singing this song...

doo doo a diddy
la la a doo-op do dee
you and me
we go together
coo coo a chim cha-ree

what are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

There is no answer for you. Only the hope that you will see what has been there all along. There is no level of understanding to be gained before jumping. There is no formula, no trail already blazed. This will not be easy, but it will not be impossible either. Let go of all you've known. Throw away the fear, the doubt, the voice inside of you that tells you that you couldn't possibly have that which you know you were made for. Open your fists. Let yourself want the very best. It is the only way. Don't wait, move now. Move now, while your heart is stirring. Move now, when all you know is darkness. That black road will shine when once your foot falls upon it, and all will be illuminated.

so, what are you waiting for? if you're waiting for a sign; if your waiting for a word, a feeling, a clue, you are waiting aimlessly. if you are waiting for that person, that person you have used all along to steer your way, forget it. they have no answer for you here. if you are waiting to find yourself, if you are holding out until your life seems more managable, you will wait with no end. there is no time for waiting. you must move now. move now, while your passion is speaking. move now, though you feel alone. there are others who have walked where you long to go.

the eyes you have are good, let them see. want the unfathomable. think the loftiest of dreams and the highest of hopes and the purest of possibilities, and know that there exists something even greater than these. and it exists for you. the world waits at your feet...

what are you waiting for?