i have nothing to say.

wrote this a time ago...

i have nothing to say. i have nothing to say, and so i won't say it. i won't say that i'd like to soak all of the yellow out of the sun, or that if there were a way to trap a star and put it by my bedside i would. i won't say it. because i have nothing to say. nothing like the birds outside and nothing like the tapping of the raindrops on my windshield. i won't say that i don't have things all figured out and i won't say that i haven't found some peace, because i have nothing to say. nothing like your smile or the gold ring around your pupils, and nothing like the Life from your lips. i won't say it. i won't say that i'd like to fly with the birds even though i'm afraid of heights, or that i wish i had the courage to live the way i know i was made to. and i won't say that most days my heart feels like it is hanging outside of my chest and that my feet feel nothing of the ground beneath me. i have nothing to say. nothing of the happiness i am breathing; nothing of fear and nothing of being alive.

i have nothing to say. and so i won't say it.