step outside, it's raining.

it's raining outside. it's been raining for three days now. it's december and it should be snowing. not raining. there's something heavy about rain. heavy.. not because it's water and the whole getting wet and everything part, but because everything is grey and yet somehow still inviting. and that's the thing about rain; it's not cold enough to turn those falling drops into gentle flakes. but it's not warm enough to make them evaporate into the hot steam found on a summer day. and so it's heavy. and the grey is heavy. like sunglasses over the sun. and my wet clothes make my shoulders sink a bit. and my feet are harder to pick up. and everything moves a little slower. and i just wish the clouds would move so the heat could soak it all up; so i could see a little better.

it's raining and it's christmas. well it doesn't feel like christmas when it's raining. and why does everyone have to say 'happy holidays'? i don't care if you celebrate hannuka or christmas, believe in jesus or saint nicholas. i'm going to say 'merry christmas' and 'happy hannuka' and 'merry kwanza' if i really want to. even mele kalikimaka. why do people have christmas anyway, if they don't believe that something amazing happened on that day?

i guess maybe i just have a lot on my mind tonight. and having a lot on my mind makes me aggitated. all those drops, tapping the windows like they're trying to get to me. break the glass. flood the living room. and i go under. now i'm just swimming in them, weightless. and feeling them swallow me makes me not feel a thing. maybe i should just open the door, slide up the windows, and wait. i'm soaking in them. and i don't know how long it will take for me to dry off. and it's just... heavy.