all at the same time.

a cup of coffee that causes overwhelming feelings of humanity. why can't i write anything? it's one of those nights, warm and cool all at the same time. i want to be near you, and i'm tired of missing you. and i feel so fucking alive right now that i just want to explode. alive and dead. all at the same time. and everything keeps on moving- the people on the street, the smoke from my lungs, the sun into the sea... and i feel like i don't know how to make myself big enough to mean anything. 

big hair and skinny jeans, a brown leather jacket and red ballet shoes. she's caught in an era long passed, but she's moving. and she leaves a trail of red wherever she goes. the piano plays under these big umbrellas. bamboo shades to keep the sun out. too much time to think and not enough room to fit it all. if i shut out all these words they'll only find another place hide, and then they'll speak there. maybe i'm crazy. maybe it's like this for everyone. too much and not enough. 

a constant conflict of true and false. all true and all a lie, all at the same time. and it's maddening.