as i fall asleep.

well, its a pretty significant night tonight. i'm writing this entire blog from my cell phone. its true. welcome to the new world... well, and welcome to the world where at&t doesn't work worth a shit and so the only way I can connect to the internet is through my magical cellular device. good one at&t. I am washing my hands of you.

so, i'm laying here in my bed in my dark room, nothing but the glow of this little screen lighting a 5 inch radius around my face and my arms are starting to ache from holding this up.. the small price I pay for such awesomeness. I can't sleep. and I just remembered that I should have taken a melatonin pill to get to sleep tonight. its too late now. i'm hoping this melatonin thing is the ticket among many attempted remedies to try to cure my inability to sleep well. from warm milk to reading, nothing has ever seemed to worked. well I don't know why i'm even elaborating on all of that. but it happened.

so, as of late, i've decided that I want to purchase a ukulele. I really think that this little musical delight would bring out some pretty great tunes in me. i've been realizing more and more that I wouldn't be mad if someone wanted to pay me to play music for them for the mere enjoyment of them listening to it and me enjoying playing it. when I play music and sing its like my world turns to color and those colors start to dance around me. life seems a little smaller and I feel as if I can do almost anything. and all I want to do is create. every thing I love: music, pictures, art, words, beauty, you.. all become melded together until all I can see is this uncontrollable ball of disastrous beauty that just keeps getting bigger and bigger the more I keep moving. I didn't even know I could do half of the things I can do.

last night was good. I didn't sleep, but I didn't care because my heart was full of life and I finally learned how to start enjoying who I am, not for the love I can get in return, but simply for the enjoyment of being alive and being loved by the one who made me. finally I was able to stop, if even for just a night, craving the attention and affirmation of all those who I thought could define some part of me. its a beautiful thing to realize that I am a kick ass person and to enjoy that fact. haha. and in turn, in doing so, I was able to enjoy those around me in a way I hadn't been able to in so long. life is mysterious and full of color.

I think i'm getting a little sleepy. maybe i've found a cure. thank you technology. the glow-in-the dark stars on my ceiling are all used up now. the constellations have disappeared and the night is whispering its endless call into the land of dreams and darkness.

I am falling asleep...

the daily report.

i just discovered loads of new music to slay my ears and i can't stop eating these milk chocolate foil balls from see's candy. the word frabjous is quite possibly the greatest new word ever to come to my attention, and i think lil' wayne may be legitimately a 'little person'. if i had to choose, i'd rather be a pterodactyl than a monkey. i didn't even know that pterodactyle was spelled with a 'p'. but i'd rather be that. sometimes i feel bad that i have so much free time at work. free time that allows me to write nonesense like the above, and not feel too bad about it when all is said and done. i figure, most people enjoy a rare chance to 'stick it to the man' when presented with it, and i, on a regular basis, get to do just that. it rained yesterday and i remembered what time of year it was. sometimes i forget because it's always warm and sunny here.

why don't you tell me something funny and in return i'll laugh and make you feel you've done a good job at amusing me. nothing could be further from the truth. but the truth is, i'm laughing. and i'm still eating these chocolate balls. i really want some red galoshes. or yellow, even though those are to be expected. this is the only thing keeping me from being truly a kid again. lofty statement? that's why i said it. leaky legs learing like looming lakey lofts.

is it time to go home yet, i asked. no. the answer was no.

galoshes.

word of the day.

so, i had this great idea as i was strolling into work today. apart from the excitement in knowing that i was about to get my vanilla latte from the coffee cart downstairs, i had the greatest idea to start a 'word of the day' blog. now, i know what you're thinking, 'cool steph. don't you know that there's already a whole entire website dedicated to doing just that- providing the word of the day straight to your inbox, even?!'

yea. i do. and it bores me. here's what happens each day when i check my inbox and i see my 'word of the day' just waiting for me to open it up and have my vocab expanded:

virtuoso \vur-choo-OH-soh\, noun, adjective;
pl. virtuosos, virtuosi:

1. a person skilled in the techniques of an art, esp. playing a musical instrument; by extension, a person with a cultivated appreciation of artistry
2. showing mastery in artistic skills

-begin my internal thought process-

oh sweet. i like this one. what if there were a person, maybe a woman.. crazy hair, tasseled clothes.. one of her arms is a guitar, or maybe even a xylophone, her fingers are paint brushes and she's dancing. but she is a master at what she does, this skilled patron of the arts, and so she has her easel and supplies all perfectly surrounding her in delicate order. the painting behind her says "i'm a virtuoso".

-end internal thought process-

now THAT'S a word of the motha effin' day ladies and gents. i will start this blog the second i finish writing this current one to tell you of the aforementioned one. it is going to be great. and it is going to force me to draw slash paint slash conglomerate slash, even dare i say, sing the word of the day, ultimately molding me into yes.. you guessed it.. a VIRTUOSO.

oh this is going to be real great. the MOST great!

steph's word of the day